DAY OF THE DEAD FAT

I am a skinny person. That is my core belief, a belief that was matched by reality for the first 35 years of my life. Then everything went pear-shaped. Or apple-shaped if you go by the magazines. Still I continued to marvel at the ‘fat’ people who didn’t seem to realise they’re fat (how can they allow that to happen to themselves!) and yet stayed living in the same wonderland of skinniness myself. Sure I had put up some weight but it would come off. It’s not ‘me’. Yes, it takes a couple of trips to the changing rooms to before I get to those hilariously big looking jeans that fit me. They only look big. And, by the way, what is wrong with the mirrors in the changing room?

But yesterday I went and got another program at the gym. Now I have been gym~ing and running for years. I get held back by injuries but I’m fit, ok?OK?This was the first time I got my body fat measured(by a tiny, tiny gym person). The result?45 % body fat. 45% of my body is fat. Most of it around my middle. Apparently 20-30 % is acceptable. When I went home I Googled body fat and found a number of charts none of which extended beyond 35 % which apparently is medically obese.ย It seems I should, in fact, be dead.

Being deaf it’s possible she said 35 % and I misheard.ย Still 35% is catastrophic anyway. I imagined my skeleton dissolving or worse fleeing the country. She could’ve been exaggerating, she weighed me as being 9lbs over my weight. Or actually 6 lbs. Or maybe…less. Yet I liked her and she gave me a great program, good advice and was one of the most competent gym people I have met (and god help her having to commune with peoples wobbly bits).

So.. I am fat (am I allowed use the word fat?Damn right I am!). And you know this comes as some relief. Because other have played along with my charade.

“No!You’re so slim!”

“You’re tall, you can get away with it!” (whatever that means..)

No. I have known this for a while and now I have to do something about it. And not just make my belly into a table for drinks. And you know what else?I am kind of proud I have been running around carrying all this extra baggage. I must be some kind of hero and just think how fast I’ll be able to run without it…

By the way, the word skellington is spelled like that because I like it. I have NO idea why I might think my skellington is a man or that I am romantically involved with it.

Click to embiggenย (exercise your arse off to ensmallen).SKELLINGTON SM

17 responses to “DAY OF THE DEAD FAT

  1. …”exercise to ensmallen”…am trying that…now I think I’m having heart failure all the time!….

    …scarely funny as always MM… if only drawing or laughing at the drawings of others burnt fat….

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  2. You are quite simply a remarkable talent. I laughed so hard at that final panel. I almost never do that, even when I find something incredibly funny! You have embiggened my day. ๐Ÿ˜€

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  3. Yep, that final twist of them two skellingtons at the end was even better than a classic episode of “Tales of the Unexpected”.

    But (putting on my “Watched Far Too Many Episodes of ‘CSI’ and ‘Silent Witless’ Hat”) are they anatomically correct?

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    • Thank you Mel….and of course they are anatomically correct, you can tell by the sombrero…lord I had some time drawing all those 26 foot bones, what do you mean you can’t see them… ? ๐Ÿ™‚

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